Author Archives: Julian

About Julian

Into healing chronic illness and combating mental illness through better living. Lively, some would say funny, and always striving to become a better person.

So you feel like a failure? What have you failed at?

Failure? Failure at what? You’re breathing aren’t you? What is there to fail at, really?

Get married?

More people are divorcing every day than there are potential breaths in my body before I truly expire!

Get a house?

It’s just bricks that come with a piece of paper saying that the bricks are allowed to be in a house shape on this block of land. So what? (Okay, this one is pretty important, but I’m trying to convey that it doesn’t matter how shiny the bricks are, we’re all just monkeys oggling over bricks, it’s not that deep)

Be.. successful?

What does it even mean?

Do you mean, emulate societies purist image of itself? To what end? What has society ever done for you? Made you feel like shit, expected unreasonable things unreasonably? Made your life difficult? And for what? To… Uphold… Itself?

How benal, pointless, irrevocably wasteful and superficial.

And BY THE WAY, society is constantly changing. You want to be like society wants you to be? Why? It doesn’t even know what it IS. It is a literal fugue state of bullshit. It’s like the white noise of humanity, all of humanities combined unconscious brain dump. How is that going to help you be happy?

You are better than that. Fuck society and do what you do, be you, and seek your own happiness inside of you. Stop comparing. Stop obsessing over what this one or that one is up to. You are living your life. It’s YOURS.

Why live it, looking out of the window at what the others are doing. You have your own life. BE in it. DO life. Don’t watch it.

Good luck!

Look Up!

When you’re walking in the street.

The sky is so big, yet we never look at it when we’re going about our business.

Why is that?

Do we forget it’s there?

That just behind the curtain of our lives, there is a another curtain which opens up into the vastness of space and time.

Life is a game sometimes. It’s so easy to get into the tunnel vision of everything that is going on. You have to eat breakfast, go to school/ work, meet deadlines, see friends and family, go to meetings, health appointments, gym, and so on.

But, what is waiting up there? Out in the vastness of life revolving on the grand scale, we still exist, yet we cannot quite grapple with it. It’s too difficult to say ‘I am walking in the city, but I am also a sigh, a breath, a magical heart beat propelling the universe into existence’. It sounds absurd, I know, but what feels right?

Are you just a piece of flesh, caught up and bound in a mesh of materials and small significances? A rare aberration of nature’s creativity with heat, water, and minerals? Or are you life itself, exploding, bright, passionate, constantly in flux and without limitation? So rare is that we exist at all, even in our own revolving solar system.

You know that you are alive. Can you imagine what that means? How precious to know that you really do exist and can experience the entirety of Earth in all its magics and splendour. You just popped up into being, and now you’re living! Can you believe it?

Hard to come to terms with, especially now that life is so insular and wrapped up in itself. The many ways we can forget what part we play are growing. So many distractions.

But did you ever just stop, a minute.

Did you ever just… look up?

Swirling clouds, bright blue skies, birds, gliding overhead, the subtle tones of sunset and sunrise, colours in combination that are enough to steal your breath away. What peace and serenity there is in that vast space. And we are living here. We are part of that huge power that moves all of life. And we are not just making it happen, we are watching it happen and we can move with it too.

Next time you feel lost. Next time you are cruising on autopilot, or down in dumps, or stressed beyond all belief because the small things are piling up around you. Just look up. There, you see? We’re just floating, here on Earth, watching the open sky as it changes and brightens.

Better, right?

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Acceptance in the Age of Terror

We don’t know the limits of life’s horror.

There are so many evils that we will never know. We are not in a world where we could be sent to concentration camps because our opinions do not align with the government’s (though, outside of the west, this can still happen), we are free to express our dissent in protest, online and in press, though some would argue that the scope of this freedom is being slowly eroded by various means, and we have jobs and some level of welfare (again variable) to protect us from the very real and very easy to fall into trap or homelessness.

So, with that, what is our oppressor in this modern world? What is left to fear and to fight in the west?

Fabricated terror.

What do I mean by this?

I mean that we live in a world which is saturated by lies. We are drowning in advertisement, we are suffocating in media, both online and in print, and we are asphyxiated by the increasing avenues of society to perceive us as ‘other’.

Advertisement is everywhere. It tells us constantly ‘you need this, you wouldn’t be as happy without this thing that you can buy.’, but it’s all lies. In fact, having worked adjacently to the marketing team in the company that I work for, I can tell you, they make a living from creative lying. This is disappointing, that the only forms of creativity in which we can find a living easily, should be the ones in which we must instantly discard our integrity. Exaggerated claims about the longevity or performance of products is the first outrage, though it is rife and quite commonplace in this area of work. Then, what about the fact that the marketing department, who have all the money and power, who tell us what we can and cannot do, will wilfully expect us to lie to customers about the claims a product can make, or even to avoid the truth that sometimes there are limitations and that these limitations on a product’s ability should be respected. I find that customers appreciate that honesty more than any unbridled claims about how much a product can do for the value of its cost. And then, as if to take it to the limits of incredulity, they would withhold product faults or issues from us, the front line staff who must fix the problems, for fear that we are untrustworthy. There is no greater hypocrisy, no greater insult to the genuine staff that I work with.

Every cell of the body of marketing companies is without integrity, from the creativity, to the authority, to the obfuscation of truth, which hampers our ability to help customers. There is no integrity in advertising before you even reach the advert at hand.

And then let us look at the products themselves.

What do they look like? Smiling white toothed models holding products tenderly and proudly, like new-born babies. Except where is paternal love? Cold, dead eyes stare back through LED screens at bus stops and on billboards. There is no love here, only spiders, sharks, and vultures behind white porcelain veneers. And what of those things that they would sell to you? A mortgage? With expressive coolness, they say we can lift you up when you need to make that big life decision, yet, do we even know where the term comes from? ‘Mortgage’ means ‘death loan’. It was used to describe a sum of money you would pay until you were dead. Rather grimmer in reality than as posed to us in advertising. And what happens when you cannot pay your mortgage? Ultimately, they will repossess your home. What does ‘repossess’ mean? It meant to ‘start again’ or more viscerally, it could mean an ‘undoing’. A creative term for obliteration and recycling of home, of life as it was. And still, we cannot see how, underneath the language of advertising, there is so much violence and misery. Smiling mortgage providers extend a hand, all the while, they have leashes around the necks of mortals who will wear them until death, and whose homes can be yanked from beneath them when life takes a turn for the worse.

I am reminded perhaps of the buddhist teaching that grasping for material things, like products etc are a fast track to misery and emptiness. And we cannot breathe in our society for the grasping! Everywhere you look, some talon, miserable, wan, clammy, dead, extends and swipes, hoping to land its sharp sinus in your mind-flesh. We are fatigued because we step into waking life under siege from all angles, but not the kind which forces the body to move and take evasion from, but attacks on the mind, bamboozling us in every waking moment of every day. We are indeed living in a nightmare and there are evils waiting for us always. What must our subconscious landscape look like at this point? Deep, scoured craters, trenches, scarred, muddy battlefields, and desolate to boot.

This is the first terror, and it is a terror which plays on the subconscious as soon as we wake, ravaging our inner mind, so sensitive that it is, we do significant damage without even knowing it.

Then what of the media? Is there ever a good word to say about the world? It makes it no less true of course that bad things happen every day, but we know this, we implicitly understand that life can be filled with tragedy and it will touch all of us human beings at various points in our lives.

So what is this constant reminding? Yes, it has its purposes. We must not forget the past, for if we do, we can bring it about again through forgetting, but that is what history is for, which should be taught and passed down by communities and schools and parents and relatives. The media does not play an active part in the dissemination of history, but rather in current events. So we are bombarded with the worst miseries of modern times from across the globe. And it is worse because now there are not just newspapers and radios, there are also computers, smart phones, televisions etc which can send information to us more quickly than at any other time in human history. How can we deal with so much misery, so readily and quickly available. The mind again lays itself out to be flayed and stuffed, like foie gras ducks, we are stuffed until we are sick to death. It is true that our impulses and attention are quick to gravitate towards negativity, in the fact that our base brains are powerful, primal and quick. But it is our humanity which lives in the outer most parts, the prefrontal cortex and higher brain which control our ability to be empathic and good, and to form strong, meaningful relationships with other human beings.

The media highjack of our base impulses is the second terror.

Then what of our avatars in this world, where information flows to quickly and spreads vastly under the right conditions?

Social media, where we put our lives online to show others who we are is dangerous. No version of ourselves which appears through the internet is fair and representative. We want to be successful and revered in the eyes of our peers, so we often lie about how we feel. Curiously though, I have started to see a new phenomena, the rise of the ‘down to earth’ media star. They burp, fart, talk about real shit and their vulnerability with the world. And this too is an insult to our humanity. There is a paradoxical lack of integrity in the very act of putting all of yourself onto the internet. A camera always makes us behave differently because a camera is not a person, it is an inanimate object which captures our likeness. We can only communicate by way of in person exchange. Energy flows between life, not the cold dead barrier of camera lens or social media profile. Something is lost in translation. The soul, perhaps, the integrity perhaps also, but we are so desperate for love that we will take this half-filtered shadow and accept our fate.

And then we say something online that can be taken out of context. And the likes of twitter can be the catalyst to the utter destruction or exaltation of anyone or anything in about an hour. ‘Tweeting’ is a form of mass hysteria which is more revolting than anything I could every imagine. And now we all know that what we say online can be taken by little birds, cut, edited and morphed into something grotesque with the power to abjectly destroy your life, no matter if it is true or not. Once it happens, whether you are later cleared or not, there is no way to reclaim your integrity. People have stopped being interested once the the hysteria has passed. They now only retain the perception which made them excited, which in almost all cases is shy of the truth, or abjectly false. We are living in post-truth. It matters not if something is real, only that it could be real.

Hear say has always existed, but the extent to which this can then become global truth is alarming.

This is the third terror of modern life.

And so we can see how life is plagued by sinister and pale oppressive forces which barrage the psyche at every waking moment. Once, long ago in the medieval period, we believed in demons, spirits and angels, the wrathful vengeance of God and other divine entities. Are we any better now? I could make an argument that we are actually worse.

We know our enemy, we know where it stems from, but still, we let it suck us dry.

Advertisement, news, and social media, the new demons and wrathful Gods of the modern age.

How to tackle this new threat is a whole new article, but I will leave you with this rather commonly quoted passage from Chinese General Sun Tzu:

“Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated. When you are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself, your chances of winning or losing are equal. If ignorant both of your enemy and of yourself, you are sure to be defeated in every battle.”

Sun Tzu

Acceptance, knowing who we are and what the enemy is, will be salves and healing potions in this phase of monsters and mythical terrors.

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Leviathans and Drowning Men

This is a strange question to ask, but often it is the puzzling ones which need to be explored more deeply for answers.

I have spent more and more time in meditation, asking myself, or to the best of my abilities, the subconscious, the questions that matter?

What are you hiding?

What is in the darkness in your heart?

Can you learn to confront it?

And so much of the buddhist teachings that I have been exposed to in the past few years have extolled the ‘return’ to child and further still, the return to nothing. The consciousness we were before we knew we were ourselves. And that is a hard concept to grapple with. If I am not the sum of the things that have happened to me, who am I?

Naturally, the teachings have many answers, ranging from ‘consciousness’ to ‘everything and all things’ to ‘nature’ or even ‘nothingness’. And though each of these answers resonates on an intuitive level, it is hard to accept that the nothingness and unity are qualities we are born with and can access at any time. On top of that, we have so much conditioning. We have so much baggage from the life we live. The work we do, the people we must war and make peace with. The relationships that break down. The start over and collapse, the relocation, flight, settling, beginning, ending, breaking and fixing that we all go through. We are constantly in motion, and this is indeed a core principle of life itself and at the heart of the wheel that turns the universe, but until we acknowledge that the motion of the universe and the things that it has done to us, are still not ‘us’, we are trapped. We think to ourselves: ‘why is life so hard? why am I so exhausted? this wheel is never-ending, will I suffer until I am dead?’. It leaves a person with nothing but the absurdity and mundanity of repeated experience as a basis for their lives. And the dissolution that ensues is enough to drive anyone to madness.

We were hurt. By our parents who were supposed to love us. By our friends, who did not care about us. By our employers who did not value us. By our children who did not respect us. By our observers who wanted us to be what they wanted us to be. And we wrapped ourselves in a thousand bands of scar tissue, hardened and calloused against the world that did not appreciate us. We lost loved ones to misjustice. We were violated in our trust. We were used when we were vulnerable. Life is full of opportunity for violence and tragedy and the impact is to make us hate ourselves, to hate our scars because of what they represent. Each lashing a tailored violence against the body and mind.

But to return. To return to the child. To return to the wild. To return to nothing. These are our birth right, and our destiny. We may dip our toes into the lapping waters of the ever ebbing and flowing universal tides, if only we know how. And it takes a walk inside oneself, through the rugged terrain of life’s every day circumstance, through the caverns and caves where fictitious monsters lie created by a mind on fire with fear, and to go deeper still, into the rockpools and underwater tunnels, then into the vastness of open water where nothing is and no one goes. And in this place, you are drowning and breathing, living and dying, laughing and crying, catching and caught, finding and losing, holding and releasing, and it is indescribable and it is wordless, but is you and it is me and it is us. And from this place a great knowing floods in. That there is nothing to fear, that there is bliss in life and meaning in death, and heart and spirit move beyond the confines of circumstance, experience and body, and into this place where all is meaningful and empty and profound and wordless.

So, who were you before you were cut open? Before you bled for this life. Before the sacrifices, heartache and violence? Before the betrayal, misery, misunderstanding and displacement? Go inside. Find it. Ask the questions. Soothe your wounds in the blissful deep. And despite our fear of the ocean, of the indiscernible black liquid and the visceral undertow inside of us, no leviathans live there, only the bliss that a drowning man feels when he lets go, and the salt water fills his lungs.

Brine and ambrosia. So much the same.

A last breath is the first. The drowning man breathes again.

The Maddening Stencil

Trauma is like a stencil over which we view the picture of our life. It obscures the totality, leaving only jagged shapes where an ocean vista should be.

Meditation and trauma work help us dissolve the stencil, so that we can finally see the world for what it is. Beautiful, chaotic, ugly, serene, high, wide, low and narrow. It is all of this and more, but it is allowed to exist as a complete tapestry.

This is the freedom to associate with chaos in a modality which is inherently saturated with opportunity. A wave on the scene might crash. But instead of it being the only thing you can see, the death of a wave, the end of everything, you know that more are coming, all the time, over and over again. Each movement is followed by more movement. Each opportunity is not final.

And through knowing that even when we lose something, life goes on, we can make peace with almost anything. Death, even, which scares so many, tends to lose its nightmarish quality in the wake of understanding which comes through knowing the bigger picture.

Why fear the last breath, when the wind will take it and feed the trees? Movement,flow, life, death. All are linked, all flow into each other and out again, like the rising and falling of the sea.

Dissolve the stencil. See the whole. There is less to be feared when we see everything for what it is.

There’s No Good Reason to Always Eat Sweet in the Morning

When you think about a Western diet and breakfast, you think cereal, fried meats, pancakes and waffles. These are often laden with sugars, syrups and other additives that tax the digestive system. In the east, you almost never see this style of eating in the morning. Foods are typically cooked rice with fish or vegetables. Breakfast and to be honest, most meals throughout the day are savoury, not sweet.

Sugar is a priority for the digestive system. It will happily put the digestion of fibrous/ meaty/ fatty foods on the backburner to take the sugar out of the meal. When sugar is the focus, the other foods will sit in the stomach, far longer than they should, encouraging bacterial overgrowth or pathogenic yeasts, as well as training the body to expect this style of prioritisation throughout the day. When your digestion expects sugar first, it can become reliant and expectant. This can encourage cravings which can plague you throughout the day.

So, my thought for the day, something which you can implement more easily than a radical diet overhaul, is to try and have rice with vegetables for breakfast. You could use a little sesame oil and lots of soy sauce for seasoning, but keeping it paired down and simple is best. This way, your body gets trained to expect high quality carbohydrates and nutrition in its first meal of the day, which can help offset some of the pesky sugar craving that you might expect starting with cereal.

I know from my own experience that when I start with a sugary meal, the rest of the day remains that much harder to stay on track. We should try to start our day in a way that sets us up for success, and unfortunately, for those of us who experience weak digestion or chronic pain/ illness, the Western diet teaches us all the wrong habits at breakfast time.

You’re also allowing your body to accept good nutrition first thing, which allows it to better regulate focus, concentration, and energy levels throughout the day. If you can concentrate better, you can make healthier decisions and build healthier habits. It’s in all of our interests to bear this in mind when we start the day.

As I said in my last post, something I’m finding to be a game changer is buying a rice cooker. It cooks rice perfectly every time and I don’t have to keep an eye on it at all. If you want a more tactile experience (texture is so important alongside flavour) I would urge you to try Jasmine rice, which is a little on the sticky side and have a wonderfully fluffy, chewy texture that is satisfying in and of itself. Many rice cookers also come with a steaming compartment. Steamed vegetables retain more nutrients than boiled because they are not immersed in the water which can leach nutrients. You could add fish, a soy/ garlic dressing, wilt some spinach in sesame oil with garlic, or whatever you want, but it’s a great, simple way to get healthier options with less work.

Part of healing is finding simple, easy ideas that can transform the way you live and eat. Fuelling your body with the best nutrition, not just what you’re told is good for you, is essential to a healthier and happier life. There are lots of good recipes for rice cooker rice which can be enjoyed for breakfast, and you can also do variations of porridge in it too! The opportunity for supporting your health is there for the taking.

Good health to all my readers, J

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Hot, Cold or Damp – Digestive Issues and Chinese Medicine

What we eat affects us in profound ways. It’s all the more surprising then, that what we eat is so low down on our list of priorities. Society is so fast-paced now. We’re expected to eat on the go, to pick up something quick and easy, highly processed and with very little nutritional value. This is what society teaches us, so if you feel bad about the choices you’ve made with your diet up to now, give yourself a break. Life is so complicated. There are more spinning plates than ever before. You’re bound to let a couple come crashing down, but maybe I can help you realise that what you eat is a spinning plate that should keep an eye on. Let something else go instead.

When we eat highly processed foods, with lots of sugar, dairy, refined flours and heavy fats, it taxes the digestive system. All of these foods are known as ‘warming’ and ‘wet’ in Chinese medicine. That means that they generate heat, a key factor in the onset of chronic disease. When the body generates too much heat, it leads to inflammation, which can manifest in many of the health issues which are common today. These tend to be things like lupus, fibromyalgia, arthritis, rhinitis, asthma, GERD, IBS, Chrons and multiple sclerosis (though this is by no means an exhaustive list). These are the sorts of problems which I aim to talk about here because they are largely some of the same issues which I experience myself and am on a journey of healing from every day.

Foods that cool the body can be those which are actually cold, like cold water or ice cream, for example, or raw vegetables. Anything which requires the digestive system to work hard to warm, those sapping vital heat from the system. Those who suffer from cold, tend to get ill from common colds, can be extremely thin or malnourished, and experience lethargy. Cold is less of a focus in this article, but is no doubt a very serious problem when severe.

Dampness is caused when the internal environment is both hot and wet. Again, wet foods are starchy, highly processed and sugary. When the body generates too much heat and damp, we get chronic health issues as mentioned above. Rather than experiencing just an upset stomach after a meal, returning to normal the next day, somebody who experiences damp in the digestive system, could continue to experience chronic stomach upsets, even after the discontinuation of a disruptive food type.

If you suffer from a chronic inflammatory disorder, you may be experiencing damp heat, which gives rise to longstanding conditions. As an auxiliary to whatever medications you must take to keep you healthy, it’s important to work on the foundations of good health by balancing digestion. As I have long said on my blog, digestion is the cornerstone of good health. What enters the body must be digested properly. If it isn’t, we don’t nourish the body and our other organs and systems become unbalanced to compensate.

So what is the solution? As always, I recommend small changes. We do not want to make the conditions for maintaining new habits too difficult, so we need to take baby steps. Damp is treated well by avoiding the inflammatory foods which generate damp and heat. The safest way to start getting the nutrition your body needs to heal is to eat rice and steamed/ boiled vegetables more often. These are guaranteed to be digested by the body completely and will not generate gastric pain or discomfort (brown rice may be more taxing, so try white rices, jasmine is lovely). You can essentially do a lot of good for your digestion by incorporating at least one bowl of white rice and steamed vegetables every day. I really recommend a rice cooker too, one with a steamer, which can do your veggies at the same time. It’s easy, simple and can be left unattended.

Cooked vegan meals are a good place to begin, but ideally, you want to reduce the amount of fats you mix in with your vegetable and grain dishes. Bread is almost always an inflammatory substance, so is best avoided. If you can’t avoid it, try to go for rye or less processed types. Meats can tax the digestion, especially when fatty.

You can add lots of delicious things to your rice meals. A bit of soy sauce or some chilli sauce can help lift a quick meal. For something more complex, there are loads of rice cooker recipes which can be lobbed in and produce delicious meals in next to no time.

As always, I hope the best for everyone who reads in finding health and wellbeing. Chinese medicine is just one of many ways to view health, but I like to consider it from all angles so that I can give you best information. For inflammatory disorders, eliminating culprit food types and eating a little more blandly can do wonders as a treatment and to build the strength of the digestive system. But by bland, I don’t mean tasteless. Far from it! These meals can be wonderfully sumptuous without becoming difficult to digest!

Well wishes, J

Are You Walking or Talking? – The Pitfalls of Nature Walks in Modern Times

I am very lucky to have a small group of friends who appreciate nature. They enjoy it, take it in, listen to it, look at it, say very little, and are comfortable with long pauses to admire the outdoors. Now, I am no expert, but I imagine not everyone is so patient with the countryside. Some walking partners really only want an excuse to exercise, talk, a lot, or take pictures for their new Instagram account. Please do not misconstrue me, I am not saying that, in order to appreciate nature, you should not do these things at all, walking around like some hermetical sage wizard who has transcended the responsibilities of trivial human affairs, but many people do too much else when they’re out walking.

When you’re taking pictures, talking too much, or focusing on the steps, you’re not getting the benefits of the countryside that really make you feel alive. By this I mean, the sound of dead twigs under foot, the soft rustling of low bushes, batted gently by swirling gusts, and the pale-gold sunshine warming your cheeks after the cold wind whips them rosy red. In these winter months, you relish the scarcity of bird song, and the sounds of streams, their notes richer, deeper, and more viscous in the icy temperatures. You see animals and plants that are different dependent on the seasons, and you see skies that vary greatly and elicit as many emotions as there are colours in them.

When you can tune into this, you’re communing with nature and it speak to us, in whispers at first. With other people, sometimes loud, well-meaning though I am sure, the chances of you being able to hear it, to see it and appreciate it fully reduce.

I propose that, even if you’ve never tried it before, or you think it odd, that to go out into nature alone is worth doing. If you’ve never done it before, consider it a challenge from me to you. Take a public footpath, or venture further out to a landmark with your car. Just go by yourself. Or, if you really can’t face it, take someone with you that you know you can be comfortably silent with for stretches of time. This is important. The more that you listen to nature in the quiet, the louder it speaks. I believe this can be very healing if you suffer from any mental health issues or physical illnesses. I often find myself feeling much better following a walk, more optimistic, focussed and alive. I credit this with taking in the landscape, which feeds my vitality, while talking too much or using technology, drains it.

Nature walking is a very special activity. Many of us enjoy it with others, which is no bad thing. Just remember, the sounds, sights and sensations of the outdoors are quiet, require patience and attention, and are worth a more thoughtful, tacit and pensive approach. Nature heals, if you listen. Sadly, the social responsibilities and technological commodities of the modern era can wildly distract us and decrease our ability to enjoy and benefit from nature. So, are you walking or are you talking? Choose your friends and smart tech wisely.

Follow me on Heathen (top right by my face) for more mental health tips. Be sure to share these articles with friends and loved ones who you want to look out for in these difficult times. Walking outdoors can be a very rewarding experience if you are able to tune into the landscape thoughtfully. Even if you have never tried this before, I encourage you to take a walk by yourself. See what you discover with nothing but the trees and wind for company. I wish you happiness and health in the New Year.

You’re Killing Yourself – Meditate on Your Inner Critic

It’s taken me a long time to notice that voice. Always picking faults and putting me down. That’s not me, but it’s a powerful echo from childhood that, until recently I could not even name. This voice, so hard to detect at first, has made me doubt myself, hate myself, and talk down to myself. It’s made me skip out on opportunities that could have created joy and personal growth, and it’s constantly, and tersely, requesting that I hide myself away.

It’s been a long time coming for that voice inside that’s trying to kill my creativity and snuff out my opportunities to grow. I realised what was happening when I started to pay closer attention to my body and my thoughts. This, with the help of meditation, encouraged me to understand and engage with the thoughts that drove me to self-sabotage. By distancing myself from the thoughts that came and went, causing depression and anxiety as I held onto them and let them drag me down, I was able to lift myself up. When you pay attention to the thoughts and their negative hold, you can better disengage from them. Once you do this, you can start to work the other way, catching yourself in the process of critical self-talk, distancing and changing the thought pattern.

Instead of ‘I’m a failure’, I now see that I have a thought which thinks: ‘you are failing’, but it is neither true, nor me, only a thought. Once I can get to this point, putting the breaks on things, I can then reverse engineer the thought and latch onto a positive iteration. ‘I am not a failure. I am doing my best under difficult circumstances with little support. This is hard, and anyone would struggle to be successful under these conditions.’ Also, what is failure? Making mistakes might be a failure in the short-term, but you have an entire life to live and mistakes are part of the process of learning. You can’t really be a mistake. We humans are ever-changing and ever-developing. What I am today, I may not be tomorrow. So can anyone be a failure? I’m not sure it’s even possible, so long as you believe that failure is a state preceding success, rather than something which cannot change.

What about ‘You are ugly’? So what? There are plenty of successful AND ugly people in the world. Besides which, what I may deem ugly, others may deem beautiful, as attraction varies widely. Love is about more than what you look like. In fact, I could go so far as to say what you look like matters very little. What about how well you care for your partner? What about how interesting you are? Are you funny? That goes some way, believe me! Do you read a lot? Have you got a good mind? There are so many facets of human beauty outside of what your body looks like. And let’s face it, without some serious and dangerous surgery, you’re stuck with what you’ve got, so look after it and let it be!

If you can put the breaks on your thoughts and look at them from a distance, as meditation teaches you to do, you’re no longer so close that the thought and you are one. I am not a failure because I do not belong to this thought. I am not ugly, because a thought about how I may look ugly, is not one I wish to choose to attach myself to. In the famous words of the French philosopher Renes Descartes: ‘I think, therefore I am.’ Meditation gives you the ability to pick which associations you wish to give the power of ‘I’ to, and which you do not. This is a supremely powerful gift, and one I hope that anyone can use.

Here’s a task for you to do. Meditate once a week or try to do this when you are stressed or feeling bad about yourself. Do this for 10 minutes using a guided meditation like the headspace app (my favourite). I would recommend trying the skill of ‘noting’ which is about acknowledging a thought, noting it, and giving it no further fuel to turn into a problem. Then, once you’ve figured out what negative thoughts are shouting the loudest, write three of them down on paper. Once you have these, take one at a time, firstly writing about how the thought came from your mind, but does not belong to you, the ‘I’ part of yourself. Then, think about a few ways that this thought doesn’t matter or is not important to your values. Ultimately, we are striving to learn, develop and find love, joy and happiness. If the thought doesn’t give you these things, let it be and don’t associate with it. Doing this a few times over the space of weeks and months can allow you to stop your inner critic from killing your positive inner voice.

We’re all fighting a battle with a silent killer, the critic, a manifestation of thoughts about you which do not, in reality, belong to you. They are the external voices of many of the harsh experiences in your life. Meditation can help you freeze these thoughts from the critic, become more aware of them, and then, reverse engineer more positive thoughts which you can choose to claim as your own. You are not at the mercy of your inner critic, but you do need to out it and make it visible, otherwise it will continue to kill your true, authentic self until you do.

Follow me on Heathen (top right by my face) for more mental health tips. Be sure to share these articles with friends and loved ones who you want to look out for in these difficult times. Meditation opens up to the critic and gives us tools to manage this voice. You deserve that dialogue, so you can be happier, healthier and more fulfilled in your life. Good health to you.

The SAD Survival Kit – 7 Ways to Feel Better Instantly

You’re struggling with depression, anxiety, or maybe you’re just having a bad day. Whatever is happening for you, you’re in a slump and you don’t know how to get out of it. This list is about reminders. When we’re in a low place, we need to be reminded of the steps we can take immediately to pull ourselves out and get back to normality. When you’re down, you’re not thinking properly, so it takes prompts or friends to help us back up. In a way, this article is meant as a friend. A list which can pull you up and get you back on your feet. We’re not always surrounded by company, more so than ever during a global pandemic, so we need to adapt. Here are 7 things you can do to look after yourself on your own and get back on your feet.

Keep warm

Photo by Ergyn Meshekran on Unsplash

Temperature can be a game changer for mood and in these cold winter months, we can forget to keep warm. If you can afford to put the boiler on, turn the temperature up until you’re comfortable. 19-21 degrees celsius (approx 66-70 farenheit) is optimal. If you can’t afford that, a hot water bottle under the covers can give you a much needed boost and also something to hold onto for comfort. Set a timer for heating to come on before you usually wake up for a couple of hours in the morning, and in the evening. Keep doors and windows shut. At night, tuck your curtains behind radiators to avoid heat loss and close them.

Drink something hot

Photo by Julian Hochgesang on Unsplash

Following on from keeping warm, a nice hot drink can really lift the spirits. You could have herbal teas, black tea or coffee. If you feel like you need something more, have a hot chocolate. Remember, self care is about determining what works for you and what you enjoy the most.

Go for a walk

Photo by Dan Burton on Unsplash

During the cold months, walking is not something you might typically like to do, but it is so effective at fighting low mood. If you’re particularly susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder, where mood plummets in winter, you’re likely not getting enough sunshine, and therefore vitamin D. Your body can only make vitamin D through the skin and its interactions with sunlight. During periods of lower daylight, a 20 – 30 minute walk in the light hours can really make a difference. The cardiovascular exercise of walking is also a great mood booster.

Meditate

Photo by Stephanie Greene on Unsplash

I’m a firm believer in the power of meditation and I frequently sing the praises of the Headspace app. As someone who ruminates, experiences low mood and high levels of anxiety, this app and 10-20 minutes of meditation a day, has saved me more times than I can count. Meditation teaches you to acknowledge your thoughts as just that, thoughts, with no power over you. You pay attention to them and let them pass. You don’t need to follow or latch onto a thought, but it’s very tempting at times to do this. The technique allows us a few degrees of separation from our thoughts so that we don’t have to give them control over us.

Write a journal

Photo by BENCE BOROS on Unsplash

Can you spend a few minutes thinking about what you did today or yesterday? Even if you don’t want to reflect on the past, you could write about the thoughts that you are having. Putting thoughts down on paper is an excellent way of transferring them. You’re offloading data which frees your mind up to think about other things. This is a similar unburdening as you experience through meditation, but writing can work better for some, so it’s worth a go. It’s also great to have a routine at the end of the day to spend 15 minutes writing about your day. This can give some structure if you’re feeling lost.

Tidy your space

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

This is a tricky one. I know more than most that sometimes you just don’t have the energy or inclination to tidy up, but if you can do it, a clean space makes all the difference to your wellbeing. Sometimes we let things get so on top of us and become so used to it as the status quo, that we can’t remember what it felt like to have a tidy place. If you can do it, it’s worth it.

Invest in a hobby

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

If you like drawing, find a small spot where you can do this whenever you want. Do you like to read? Make a comfy place for yourself and read. Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, do more of it, even if you don’t feel like it. I guarantee that you will feel better afterwards. A small word of advice though, if your hobby is creative and you tend to be critical, it can help to be mindful that you may not love what you create and that’s ok! Just put it aside and come back later. Perhaps it will look better tomorrow. Whatever it is that you feel about what you make, try not to give it too much power. You’re in a low place and that will cloud your judgement. You did it, and that’s all that counts.

This list is by no means revolutionary. These are things that many people may do from time to time, but when you’re in a bad place, it helps to have quick, simple prompts that can call you to action. You now remember that you can help yourself by:

  1. Keeping warm
  2. Grabbing a hot drink
  3. Going for a walk
  4. Meditating for 10-20 minutes
  5. Writing in your journal at the end of the day for 15 minutes
  6. Tidying your space
  7. Setting up a space to do more of the hobbies you love

This is a simple, but effective way to lift your mood instantly and I hope that the simple layout of advice can get you to feel empowered when you’re feeling down. We need to look out for each other, even when we can’t be together.

Follow me on Heathen (top right hand corner) for more mental health tips. Be sure to share these articles with friends and loved ones who you want to look out for in these3 difficult times. Self care is extremely important and something we need to do for ourselves. I hope you feel better soon!